days of our (middle school) lives

  I never expected to be teaching middle school students. At one time I imagined myself teaching high school English. Many other times I expected to be teaching littles, singing silly songs with them and reading picture books. But never middle school. 

When I tell people I teach middle school there is almost always a reaction. 

“Oh, bless your heart,” they say. “I’ll pray for you,” they say. “I could never do that.”

Prior to teaching in the school system I mostly worked with children and students of various ages. In the context of ministry, middle school students were a delight. They were lively and rambunctious; still in the beautiful in-between of childhood and adolescence. And have you ever taught a middle school girl’s Bible study? It can be like none other. There is vulnerability and depth and questions asked that adults are scared to. 

I loved these children and still never expected to be teaching them. 

The church settings I had been part of were often small and intimate. We were able to create a safe space for the students and, I pray, all of them felt that way. There was space for them to share their hearts, their fears, and their insecurities. There was space for them to ask questions. And there was an expectation of them that they were precious children of God who thought deep thoughts and felt deep feelings. There was structure and high expectations built on relationships and care. 

Sadly, the public middle school classroom often does not feel this way. It is chaotic. The groups are large. There are thirty souls in a classroom walking in with fear, insecurity, and sometimes deep trauma. I don’t really know their parents or the homes they live in like I did, at least more so, in ministry. Adults sadly don’t always see these students as children with complex feelings and questions, not only able to explore deep thoughts but also longing to. There is often a misplacement of expectations—some wanting these children to think, act, and process like adults. Other times there is an expectation that these students are capable of much less than they are. Often, a screen is placed in front of them to occupy and teach them. There may be education happening but formation may be more difficult to find. 

Last year, a twelve-year-old girl started eating lunch with me every day. She had acted poorly towards some friends of hers and they had cast her out of the group. We spent our lunches talking about why she did what she did and that sometimes we behave in ways we know are wrong. That’s inevitable. We talked about confession and repentance (perhaps using different words). We talked about the importance of relationships. We talked about how in her life, just like everyone’s, there would be moments when mistakes are made, trust is broken, and reconciliation can be sought and prayed for. We talked about forgiveness. We talked about grace and hope for relationships restored.

She had gone to others who had told her to move on and just focus on schoolwork. That her academics were more important than friendships. She had been passed off as a “typical middle school girl” with “typical middle school girl drama.” Little thought was given to how devastating these relational issues are in the lives of adults just as they are for twelve-year-old girls.

The other day our opening writing prompt in a class I co-teach was “What piece of advice would you give your younger self?” Hearing the responses from these students was sweet and sometimes funny. But then one girl said, “I would tell myself not to download a certain app on my phone.” 

I didn’t really know what to say to that. I replied, “Oh, really?”

“Yeah,” she said. “It has kind of ruined my life.”

My heart breaks for whatever it is that she was exposed to, whatever it is that she claimed ruined her life. And I pray she comes to know that no life, no choice, is so beyond the redemption and transformation of God. 

I could go on and on with these stories of these children caught in the inbetween of childhood innocence and adolescence. These children who are overstimulated and overwhelmed. 

This isn’t a post on social media, but social media can’t be left unaddressed in a discussion about a middle schooler in 2023. It would be pointless to think about the life of a middle schooler today without thinking about the images, videos, opinions, and voices these children hear every day through their phone (even those with restrictions and boundaries from their family). Left unguarded and unprotected their minds have to process information that scares them, excites them, confuses them, and makes them curious. And often they don’t have anyone to process these things with. 

I think back on my own middle school years. Technology was not what it is now. I didn’t have social media. I didn’t have the sort of access to information and videos and communication like my students have and still the years in middle school were overstimulating and overwhelming because everything was changing. My brain was changing. My body was changing. My friendships were changing. My worldview was changing. 

And was it this way for you, too? 

A mom in Bible study the other day said she felt silly asking for prayer for this but her middle school daughter had a falling out with her best friend and was really lonely. I wanted to say how un-silly that was! It is painful for us to lose a friend as adults, isn’t it? It’s overwhelming for us to feel lonely. We grieve and we worry and we want reconciliation. It’s the same for these smaller but no less important people. Sometimes these situations are even more challenging because this might be the first time they are having friendship troubles. This might be the first time they are dealing with certain relational issues. 

I write all of this to say, if there is a middle schooler in your life show them some love. Though I never expected to be a middle school teacher I am grateful the Lord placed me here. He has given me more perspective on this particular season of life which can be challenging for so many. It was challenging for many of you reading. 

These students need love, attention, structure, and consideration. They need support as they go through the many changes they are facing. They need a listening ear and godly advice as they experience feelings they haven’t felt before and get into situations they’ve never found themselves in. 

Things are changing and shifting in their world. They may not be able to articulate that, but it’s happening. They are hearing many voices throughout their day. I pray they have at least one voice loudly sharing what is good, what is true, and what is lovely. I pray they have one person who is listening to them and showing them a way different than the one they see at school or on their phones.