broken cisterns & penny slots
“for my people have committed two evils: they have forsaken me, the fountain of living waters, & hewed out cisterns for themselves, broken cisterns that can hold no water.” jeremiah 2:13
My sister flipped quickly through the Big Black Binder, full of women in dresses that made me realize I'd never have an eye for fashion. We were wedding dress shopping, but I think the woman helping us had just recently left her job as a cow herder.
Skimming through the pictures, the former cow-herder said to my sister, "You know, generally when someone is searching as quickly as you are, they already have something in mind that they want and they are looking for it."
We were in a big warehouse with no windows and were deeply under-caffinenated. These words were not what we wanted to hear. But it made me think... is the reason I am often so dissatisfied with things because I am searching for something specific? Could I not even know what it is I am searching for?
It's easy for me to think, "Once this happens, it'll all fall into place. I'll feel better, happier, complete." We all have an image of the good life, as James A. K. Smith says, even if we haven't ever formerly articulated it.
Have you ever left an experience and thought why was I so disappointed by that? It's only in reflection that you realized you had entered in with expectations, even if you weren't aware of them. I experienced this recently, having left a fun weekend with friends. Even though nothing had gone wrong, I feel sorely disappointed. Why? I had placed some heavy expectations on the weekend that simply could not be met.
I am reminded of babies, unable to articulate what they want, yet crying all the more. Needing something to satisfy. Milk? Nope. Pacifier? Try again. Like penny slots we pull the lever, hoping this is the magic combination.
I have a combination I am looking for it. A mix of a circumstances that would get me the winnings I am wanting. That if I have community, I'll be obnoxiously happy. A fulfilling job will do it. A man. An outfit. A large savings account. A full passport.
These neutral experiences turn sour under the weight of my expectations, because just as a baby may find comfort for a moment in a warm bottle, minutes later they are crying for something else to satisfy their unarticulated and unknown desire. Community, fulfilling work, magical travel experiences fall short when my expectations rise high.
Do you find yourself hoping that this thing will be it? That once you get in those jeans or graduate college or walk down the aisle the penny slots will ring with reward?
We reach out for something we think will satisfy us, when truly what we need is the Living Water. We create cisterns that will carry what we think will satisfy us, but they break under our misplaced expectations.
We must surrender our broken cisterns. Exchange them for a new cistern that will not break. We find that when we drink of his water, we no longer have to keep going back to the same old well. He satisfies us continually. The string of bad relationships can end because we now can see that these relationships made us feel okay for a moment, but did not satisfy in the long run. We can set aside our insatiable craving for more money. We see that money cannot be wholly relied on. But he can.
When our souls are quenched by his waters we are able to enter into community, relationships, jobs, travels without such loaded expectations. We have already been satisfied by the One who can truly satisfied. These things and people are now gifts and no longer a means to an end.
My friends, why do we make our own cisterns that cannot hold water, when the Living Water is offering us a drink?
