submitting to the season we're in

 

Winter has never been my favorite season. The hustle and bustle around Christmas time is lovely and I revel in the food, time with family, and merriment but come middle of January I am itching for the end of winter and the beginning of springtime (I may even have gone out yesterday to look at my hydrangea bush just to see if by any chance spring was going to magically come during the second week of January).

Though winter can be a struggle for me to enjoy, I have found that not living into the season actually makes it all the worse. If I try to make winter like springtime, or autumn, or summer, I end up frustrated and annoyed because winter is simply not those seasons. If, however, I live into the season and all that it brings, more enjoyment can be found. If I accept the winter and the slowness, the quiet and the cold, I can actually find something worthwhile in it. This isn't the time for swimming in the lake or picnics outside or staying outside long into the evenings or tomato sandwiches or bare feet or blackberry stained fingers or flowers bursting from the ground. It is the hidden time. The time of candles lit and a fireplace going and lots of time indoors snuggled up. The time of books read and beef stew and lots of pots of tea. Of looking at the bare trees and bare soil in wonder that soon they will be full of green leaves and tulips bursting forth. The time of quiet and reflection, of slowing down.

Anderson and I have talked a lot about the season we are currently in: marriage and parenthood. We have reflected on how much our priorities have shifted in the last few years together, and the last year married and pregnant/with a newborn especially. Before this season we each had our own pursuits and often they were pursuits to satisfy our own desires. Now, we find ourselves being asked to daily put those down in order to serve one another and our small baby. It is a beautiful, difficult gift. 

As a single woman, I remember often asking the Lord to show me how to live for others over myself. It could be challenging to not be so self-focused because it was only me. I was responsible for myself and myself alone. I tried to serve and occupy my time and use my gifts, but in the end it was me and if I wanted to take a break or escape or no longer serve, I could make that choice. At times, I did. I was able to choose self-focus or others-focus. Now, this is not the case. My current season demands of me to sacrifice and focus on others. I could, perhaps, choose not to but I have found, just like with the winter season, trying to live outside of the season I am in makes it all the worse.

And again, this is a beautiful, difficult task. 

Daily I am being asked to give myself cheerfully to the needs of my little family. To set down my book or phone or pillow to tend to a hungry baby or a pressing need. To say no to certain indulgences or comforts.

I listened to an episode from the podcast You're Not That Special. They reflected on the daily sacrifice of motherhood and the deep abiding joy it produced. They asked their listeners to think of those who are self-indulgent and self-focused and question: do these people seem happy? Often, no. I know this for myself. When I indulge over and over, it just produces an unsettled heart. When I focus on myself it just produces more angst, high expectation of others, and discontentment. 

Anderson and I were talking this past Sunday, on our one year wedding anniversary, about what a gift it is to not think about ourselves so much. We are being forced out of our little bubble of self-focus and it is actually life-giving (because this is the way of the Lord, isn't it?). 

We talked about watching couples with young children. There are some who are trying to live still in the season of singleness. They are annoyed at the demands of family and they are striving desperately, and often unsuccessfully, for their own comfort. They don't want to be disturbed and, frankly, their families suffer and they are noticeably unhappy.

But there are the couples who submit to the season they are in. They submit to the demands and the needs of this season. These couples are often the ones who seem to not only have an acceptance but also enjoy their family and their life. Is the work difficult? Of course. But either way it would be. And sometimes it's more work to try to circumvent the responsibilities than it is to simply accept and tend to them.

This is the upside down kingdom: the way to life is death. The way to more joy is often saying no to self. The way to fulfillment is in serving others. 

May we submit to the season we are in, no matter where we find ourselves. May we accept with joy the demands of our everyday lives. May we be able to cheerfully give ourselves and by the grace of God find deeper joy and greater enjoyment of our lives in these little deaths to self. Amen.