getting up paint

        The paint marked the hardwood floor like a rorschach test. I came in my bare feet with a magic eraser and spray in hand. I sprayed the spots and let it soak in for a minute or two before I went to swipe, naïvely expecting the paint to just come up. That’s what should happen right? A quick swipe and all is well.

If you have ever had to remove dried paint from a wood surface, you know that this is not the case. It takes some scrubbing, some grit, some stick-to-it-withness to loosen the paint up and remove it. (In fact, it took many hands and a mother-in-law with a lot of grit to help us remove the paint from our floors).

Sometimes we view certain situations as so desirable that we assume they will come easy to us once we are in them. We long for marriage and convince ourselves once we are married it will be like a Hallmark movie. We cry out for children and think we will never cry out under the responsibility or challenges parenthood can bring. We idealize a dream job and tell ourselves if we could just achieve the position there will never be a day we wake up dreading going to work. We are desperate for a home and don’t think of the work a house can take. 

There are a lot of situations we long for desperately and don’t realize the work, discipline, or suffering it will involve. But just because our long-held dream is difficult, does that mean it is bad? That it is somehow wrong simply because it is harder than we thought it would be? 

Abbie Halberstadt has a new book out I am excited to read based on the title alone, “Hard is Not the Same Thing as Bad.” These words on the cover of a book are enough to cause deep reflection because don’t we often think in the midst of a hardship or challenge that the situation must be bad if it is so hard? If the marriage is hard, the children are hard, the job is hard, the housework is hard it must mean one must be in a bad situation. The person is bad for us. The job is bad for us. The child is the problem.

A friend and I were recently talking about a difficult relationship in her life. A relationship she loves, cherishes, and even prayed for but is bringing up challenges because that seems to be what happens when two broken people know one another intimately and do life together. Her perspective was beautiful in the midst of this difficult relationship. She said how thankful she is that this person is able to sharpen her, see her and be a part of the sanctifying work Christ is doing in her. On top of that, she was able to see the value she could bring to the other person: helping them, sharpening them, and bringing grace to them when they couldn’t have it for themselves. 

I saw a similar reflection on Instagram recently. The person posting said how children who are naturally more well-behaved may give you some confidence in your parenting, but it is the more strong-willed child who is growing deep patience, discipline, and virtue in you. 

What a perspective shift! How often we become annoyed or point a finger at the person challenging us, the position at work, or the circumstances we are in instead of remembering that these are all opportunities for the Lord to work in our hearts. 

It wouldn't be my blog if I didn’t mention Eustace Scrubb at least once, right? In the story of Prince Caspian and the Voyage of the Dawn Treader, Eustace is an unlikeable child. He is often complaining, judgemental, and critical. In a greedy moment he acts rashly and becomes a dragon. It is in becoming a dragon that he is able to reflect on his behavior and begin to see the issues in his own heart, instead of those he had been pointing out so often. He is remorseful for his behavior but still he is a dragon. He needs help removing the scales and becoming human again. 

Eustace tries to take off the scales but eventually he needs the work of someone far greater and stronger. Aslan comes and he uses his claws to remove the scales. In the story, Eustace regails the experience:

“I was afraid of his claws, I can tell you, but I was pretty nearly desperate now… The very first tear he made was so deep that I thought it had gone right into my heart. And when he began pulling the skin off, it hurt worse than anything I’ve ever felt…Well, he peeled the beastly stuff right off- just as I thought I’d done it myself the other three times, only they hadn’t hurt- and there it was lying on the grass: only ever so much thicker, and darker, and more knobby-looking than the others had been… Then he caught hold of me…and threw me into the water. It smarted like anything but only for a moment…Then I saw…I’d been turned into a boy again.”

This experience was not pleasant but it was good. It was right. It was helpful. It is what Eustace needed. And maybe the experiences you are encountering right now aren’t necessarily pleasant but they are what you need and they are helping you (and maybe even those around you). 

It can be disorienting when you think an experience will be one way and then find it more challenging than expected. It can be discouraging when you’ve prayed for some long held hope and then find it doesn’t live up to everything you made it in your head. It can be disheartening when you see someone else’s children without the troubles your own face or you see the ease in which a co-worker handles a job you are struggling to accomplish. Regardless, it doesn’t mean your own circumstances are bad. The Lord could be using these circumstances to do incredible work in you and in those around you.

I remember once going through a challenging time and talking to my mom about it. In the face of these circumstances I had experienced a renewed nearness with the Lord. I didn’t want to be facing the challenge I was facing but I was able to acknowledge the beauty of the intimacy that had grown. My incredibly wise mom said that as much as she hates to see her child face difficulties she knows that in her own life it is often these difficulties that do bear the most fruit. And if she really wants me to experience deep dependence on the Lord then she must also realize that often happens for us in the face of challenges. If we want an easy life completely unchallenged we likely will miss out on the formation that comes through challenging seasons. 

Now I am not saying that in the midst of hardship you will be aware of all of this. Isn’t it often the case that it’s when we come out of it that we see what the Lord has done? But I am saying it might be good for us to at least be aware and hold tight to the truth that even when we don’t know why, there is a why. Even if we feel overwhelmed and discouraged it doesn’t mean it is a fruitless season. And just because something we longed for isn’t fulfilling the expectation we had for it doesn’t mean it is bad. The Lord is working and he is willing and able to work in you to fulfill his purposes. He is a God who is with us, near to the broken-hearted, and actively engaged even if we don’t have the perspective to see it. 

May God be near you and help you have the eyes to see the way he is shaping you in virtue and love. May He give you endurance and longsuffering if you find yourself in a particularly challenging season. May we choose to rejoice in our God even when life is hard, knowing that just because something is hard doesn’t mean it is bad. In fact, it could be very good.

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